No backing out now (by Tara)

Today I did it.

Purchased airline tickets.

 Applied for visas. 

Felt queasy.

Can I hear you cheering us on? 

The Christmas gift (by Tara)

I got a Christmas gift from a friend this year. She of the most incredible and influential friends I have been blessed to know in my lifetime. I met her about 7 years ago at church after we had both relocated from different cities to Austin. We quickly became great friends, maybe because we had a lot in common. We worked together in a church calling where we held classes twice a month to teach young girls about setting and achieving goals, did crafts and service projects with them, and helped them build foundations for their lives based on Godly principles. We went to movies, had parties at her house, and our families enjoyed many gatherings together. She taught me how to scrapbook (even though I was a horrible student), she taught me amazing lessons about organization, she taught me sign language (and made me use it!), she let me drive her super fancy car when we'd go out, she taught me to live in the moment, to laugh (belly laugh) at myself, she listened intently anytime I needed to vent, and taught me to never take a moment of my health or my life for granted. 

I talk about her in the present tense, but it's only because I am reminiscing. She is still here and still very much my dear and trusted friend. 

We have so much in common. But the major difference is this. Jenny had a stroke almost 9 years ago that doctors said she would never recover from. In fact, they prepared her family for the fact that she would probably not make it through the night. With 3 children, an amazing husband, and a promising, full life ahead of her, my friend laid in a hospital bed trying to comprehend a diagnosis of "locked-in" syndrome. Her world was shattered. Her communication with the outside world had been reduced to blinking her eyes, even though inside she was still the same person she had been the days, weeks, months and years before. 

I didn't meet Jenny until a couple years after her stroke. And when I met her, it was hard to believe that she was a girl who so recently had only been able to communicate by blinking her eyes. Through partial use of one hand she could type on a keyboard, so email was her main mode of communication. We became friends as we emailed our thoughts and plans to each other. She could finger spell in American Sign Language so when we were together, that is how we would "talk". Eating and drinking was a chore for her, and she felt self conscious eating in front of others, but sometimes she would even let me eat with her, wipe her mouth when she needed it, help her put her foot back on her wheelchair when it would slip off, and eventually drive her a few places.

Over the time I've known her, I cannot believe the miracles that I have witnessed in her life. Her desire to regain that which was lost in that devastating stroke motivates and challenges her, but I have never seen anyone so beautifully rise to such an overwhelming challenge. A few years ago my husband was privileged to be the first from our family to hear her speak. He went to their house to visit and as they were all sitting there, out of nowhere my friend called him a "liar"! They laughed and laughed at her new skill and the word she chose to show it off! Since then she has refined her speaking skills and on her good days, I am able to understand what she has to say. In her own words, here is an excerpt from her own blog explaining things she can/can't do since her stroke:

THERE’S THE MORE OBVIOUS PHYSICAL THINGS:
1. UNABLE 2 WALK
2. UNABLE 2 SPEAK
3. PBA (NO CONTROL OF MY EMOTIONS)
4. MY LEFT SIDE IS “PARALYZED” (IT DOESN’T MOVE, BUT IT STILL FEELS—LOTS OF “FUN!”)
5. DOUBLE VISION
6. I MOVE & SIGN SLOW, & IF I FEEL FAST, I’M STILL SLOW! IF I GO FAST, MY EYES CAN’T FOCUS, & IF I TRY 2 FOCUS, I CAN GET MOTION SICKNESS.
7. I HAVE A MUCH SLOWER REACTION TIME. IN ORDER 2 GET ME READY 4 DRIVING MY POWER CHAIR, I PLAYED ARCADE GAMES, ESP. PAC-MAN. I REACTED SO SLOW WHEN THE GHOSTS CAME AFTER ME! IT WAS SO HARD!

HOWEVER, NOW I CAN BASICALLY
1. MOVE MY HEAD & RIGHT ARM
2. TYPE/HANDWRITE
3. STAND/WALK IF I’M HELD RIGHT, W/MY HUSBAND’S SUPPORT
4. KNEE BENDS ON MY TILT TABLE
5. PLAY PIANO & DO OTHER FINE MOTOR STUFF
6. I’M LEARNING 2 TALK
THIS LIST COULD GO ON…LOL

Last week at church my friend told me she had a Christmas gift for me, but it was in her car. I was busy running around and so she gave the gift to someone in my family to give to me. When I got home from church, there was a perfectly wrapped box with a gift tag attached sitting on the table waiting for me. 

I picked up the box and just held it for a very long time, tears trickling down my cheeks, overcome with feelings of love, admiration, and gratitude for my sweet friend. The tag simply said, "To: Tara From: Jenny", written in her own handwriting. Her own handwriting. 

How many gift tags have we all written this holiday season with no thought behind that miracle?  I hope as we celebrate our Savior's birth this week we can all remember the source of all gifts, and as we are given trials and weaknesses, they do not come without a way prepared to overcome. Our weaknesses, as well as our strengths, are given from Him who knows us, loves us, and never leaves us alone.

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me, for if they humble themselves before me and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."-Ether 12:27

The Doorman (by Faith)

On a very busy Saturday a few weeks ago, I decided to skip part of my soccer tournament to attend an event where I was invited to sell bracelets. It was a hard choice for me, but I have really been trying hard to reach my donation goals for India, and I knew this would be a great opportunity. 

My excitement started to turn to discouragement when person after person would pass me by as I stood there and held my little sign and tried to talk to them about what I was doing. I had one lady make eye contact with me so I decided to just start talking to her. I told her my name and explained that I was selling bracelets to help children in India and asked if she would like to buy one. She gave me a strange look and said, "I'd like to help the children in India but I don't want to buy one of your bracelets!" And she just kept on walking. 

My back hurt, my stomach was growling, and I looked at the time and realized I had been standing there for 2 1/2 hours. And I had sold one bracelet.

We got in the car to drive to my soccer tournament so I could at least play in some of the games, but my mind wasn't on soccer. I complained to my mom that it was a wasted morning and that it was hard. As she always does, she began to tell me a story.

She has a friend who visits India often. He told the story of a time he visited there in a big city and he was fascinated by all the doormen in town so he asked a doorman some questions about his job. Their only job is to open doors for people going in or out of shopping centers or hotels. The doorman works from open to close, 7 days a week, no matter what (his legs probably ache more than mine did!). If he ever calls in sick, he will be fired because there are lines of other people just waiting for his job. That's not even the bad part. He makes $100.00 per month and he has a family of 7 that he has to feed and care for with that money.

After I heard this story, I figured out that for the 2 1/2 hours I stood there, I made $5 for the kids in India. In the same amount of time, the doorman only made 80 cents for his family of 7. My discouragement made me feel bad. I can't believe what some people have to do just to make pennies. And they consider it a blessing, because in their world, truly every penny counts. I think my bracelets are even more meaningful now. The small penny will always remind me of the doorman, and help me remember to be grateful for all I have.

Friends to the Rescue (by Tara)

I am the room mom for my 5 year old's preschool class. Today was Christmas party day. After staying up yesterday until the wee hours of the morning fashioning 100 ornaments for the children at church (one of my "other" jobs), I collapsed into bed. Painting the sheep for our preschool craft project would have to wait until this morning when I wasn't seeing cross-eyed anymore. As you might imagine, there was a bit of chaos in the air as I was getting the kids ready for school. But in true super-spaz mom style, I managed to make it through. I painted sheep, divvied out 150 yards of yarn on popsicle sticks, practiced piano with one child, made lunches, served a healthy breakfast, signed school folders, and even got the kids to school on time. At 8:45 my friend knocked on the door to pick up my son for preschool. I proudly sent Macoy out the door in his Grinch jammies and gave my thanks to my friend for driving since I was going to be putting finishing touches on the sheep before the party at 11:30.

She looked worried. "Tara", she said. "The party is NEXT Wednesday."

Darn tootin.

At least the sheep would be ready for the party next week.

As my friend was leaving, I glanced over at a bookshelf and an out of place scrapbook caught my eye. Curious, I walked over to the bookshelf and opened it up. There before me was a book that my dear friend compiled for me a few years ago as a birthday gift. The theme was "Why Tara Inspires Me". There were pages full of pictures and notes from numerous friends about how things I have said, done, or exemplified have inspired them. At a very low moment, full of exhaustion and frustration, the words washed over me like a lullaby written just for me. Just for this moment. And I was calm.

The overriding theme in the book was how positively I handle adversity and how I seem to smile my way through things. Sometimes inside I don't feel that way, but I'm grateful that others see that in me. I laughed at my mistake today and decided maybe it was time to go back on Diet Coke. I think someone said once that it helped your memory.

Has anyone ever given you a gift that meant more to you as time went on? Today I celebrate my friend Melissa for being inspired to compile an inspiring book about me, and my friend Cindy for always keeping my schedule straight. They made some serious good change for me today.

Sheep, ornaments and yarn, oh my.

My birthday book

"The Floor Crew" (by Faith)

This story begins with an unfortunate event.  As it turns out, water and wood floors don’t mix well. Our kitchen flooded a few months ago, and fixing it has been a long process. After dealing with some lousy repairmen, my mom finally found a great company. Javier and Gilbert would arrive early each morning with their loud machines and stinky chemicals to fix the floor. Both men were very trustworthy and polite, always greeting us with a cheek-to-cheek smile.

Gilbert proudly told us about his own family - how he has a daughter who just returned from China on a mission trip and his sons who do very well in school. I was amazed to find out that after working long hours at our house, he would go home and work until late in the night remodeling his own house and doing work for other people. For someone who works that hard, I would expect him to be grumpy and tired. But not Gilbert! He always gave us his best while working for us.

Then there’s Javier.  One morning, I was practicing some of my Christmas songs on the piano, which must have reminded him of the Christmases he used to have with his kids. With a sad look on his face, he told my mom he hadn’t seen his kids in 12 years and he missed them very much. He came to America from Mexico for a better life. He wanted to find work so that he could support his family. However, the amazing thing is how he got here.

Javier explained that he arrived here by swimming across a wide river. He was not a strong swimmer, so he knew he was risking his life to get here. Exhausted, and only half way across the river, he felt like he couldn’t go on. So he put his hands up and started to sink. Suddenly, he was caught on an arch shaped branch just tall enough to keep his nose out of the water. Over time, he regained his strength and was able to finish the swim to safety. He said that God must have saved him for a purpose.

His story changed my life. It made me realize how lucky I am not only to have a family, but also to be with them. I wish Javier could be with his family. I wish I could help him. So, I asked Javier and Gilbert if they would like to come over for Christmas. No one should be alone at such a happy time of the year. 

Gilbert

Javier 

Our floor guys happy & hardworking!

Good neighbors (by Tara)

I was paid the highest compliment possible from my neighbor, a teenage boy, recently. He said, "Mrs. Collins, you are just one of those people...one that I would call if I were ever stuck in a ditch." Ha! I gave him a hug and we both laughed!

I wonder if he knows that there was a time a few years back that I was so concerned for him I lost sleep. I prayed. I cried. I wanted him to know what an amazing kid he was, but he wasn't ready to let me in. Slow and undaunted, time seemed to mock my efforts. Yet at the stories end, I see how perfectly timed it has been. I hope this never happens, but I am armed and ready to pull him out of that ditch should he ever fall!

My young friend Bobby has an equally amazing dad. His wife shared an email with me that epitomizes a change maker. Here is that email:

Hello Mr. Sill,

My name is Anthony Strait, we met a little over a year ago in an airport in Texas. I just came across your card that i have been looking for for some time now. At the time we met I was on my way to Arizona from Afghanistan to see my family and you had given me your seat on the plane so i could get home earlier. At the time i could not thank you enough and to this day i still think about you and how generous you were in doing so. Now that i have found your card I wanted to reach out to you and thank you again for that. Since my return from my deployment there has been challenging times for me, stress and a number or negative situations but when i feel like that, that the world is now filled with self centered people who do not care, i think about that day and it gets me through my situation. Little things we do in life can have a big impact in some one else's. Thank you again Mr Sill for being a good person and teaching me a life lesson.

Sincerely, Anthony Strait

Wouldn't it be nice to be surrounded by people like this? I hope you are. And if you're not, maybe you just don't know it. Isn't this a great time to turn a neighbor into a friend? We have much to learn from them.

Bobby & me bowling with our friends

Billy with his baby girl